The Instruction Manual
This isn't my normal type of blog post. The following is a note to myself that I had to force myself to sit down and type out the other night. It wasn't easy but it's almost like writing out what I'm going through and coming up with a plan to cope with it, makes the experience more tangible and easier to deal with. I don't like to show this side of myself usually, but I thought maybe if I posted this on here...maybe someone else going through a similar thing would know that they're not the only one. Shit gets tough sometimes, you know?
I know that right now it feels like nothing really matters anymore. I know that something as simple as making dinner can cause the utmost amount of anxiety and sometimes even tears . You're gonna tell yourself that you don't have a good enough legit reason to feel this way and shame yourself on the inside for even being slightly sad in a first world country. Hell, one of your closest friends just suffered an extreme loss and nothing that bad is happening to you right now. You'll tell yourself that everytihng's fine and chase that with a glass of whiskey to numb down that feeling that something's not quite right. I know that the scariest thing for you to do in this moment is to tell your loved ones how you're really doing. It always seems to happen at this time of year too - when the days are an endless grey and run into each other in a blur.
You've been here before...and you've come out of it before. It's going to be ok. Here's the instruction manual to winching yourself out of this and back up on the road:
Put Down the Remote and Pick Up a Damn Book
Seriously, I know you love lifestyle YouTubers and Hannibal marathons but overdosing on that will a) make you even more depressed that your life isn't that shiny and (fakely) exciting and b) give you nightmares because that Hannibal Lecter shit is scary and not quite the uplifting media you currently need. At least if you're reading a book, even if it is a trashy novel, you're using more of your brain and imagination. Also, you know books are addicting and the library is FREE.
Get the fuck out of your head and hit the pavement because ENDORPHINS. Running seems to snap you back into the present quickly. Yoga is great and probably keeps you functioning at a base level, but it's time to up the cardio. At least give yourself 15 minutes a day of some kind of movement to get the happy chemicals and blood flowing. Also, that crappy numbness you can't shake lately...(yea the actual physical feeling)...good intense workouts tend to make you soooo sore (in a good way) and that is the exact opposite of feeling nothing.
Hey, you remember that time you got a sinus infection and it fucked up your life even more? Both in terms of physical and mental health? Yea, how about this time you try to prevent getting sick in the first place? Take the vitamins, take the supplements and for goddsakes avoid the gluten - you know that shit brings you down mentally and physically. PS - if you lapse on the allergy meds YOU WILL GET SICK BITCH.
Learn New Shit and Set Mini Goals
Put your brain to work in a positive way. Right now you know you want to learn how to edit videos...so do like Nike and just do it. Set mini goals, but DO NOT overwhelm yourself with them. You know - just tell yourself you'll spend 5 min a day on it. BAM. Goal smashed.
Ease Up On Social Media
Your fear of missing out on what's happening in your friends' & family's life also tends to make you get jealous and sad that you feel like you're not doing anything with your life right now. Cut that shit out. Just tell yourself you'll skip a day and work on the aforementioned stuff. See how you feel. Any better? Maybe just use a 10 or 20 min timer?
Face to Face
Seemingly counterintuitive to the last point, but trust me (yourself lol): get out of the house and see actual people. Going to work and seeing coworkers does not count at this time, nor does just seeing the Mr. Even if it's just going to yoga class where you have to interact with people, that's good. Book a coffee date with a friend a scheme that podcast. Facetime the family instead of just sending quick texts. It works. Think of the last time you had a good chat with your brother. Hilarious. :)
In closing, I guarantee you that if you even do one of these things consistently, something will shift inside of you for the better. I promise. Hell, you didn't even want to write all this down, but you just did. See, baby steps. I love you.